She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
