i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
