that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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