Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
