dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize