Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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