it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
