remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
