and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
