I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
