so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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