i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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