All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
