Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
