Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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