I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
