Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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