he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize