Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
