I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize