i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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