Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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