No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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