I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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