i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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