we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my shit smells like andre
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
