I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just pee around me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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