Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
