Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
