HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i believe in u and ur pee
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
