Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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