Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
