Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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