The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize