she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
