...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
