I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
