i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
