I cannot find my penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize