She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
