I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
