After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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