I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize