She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
