I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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