I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
