if only i could text you this smell
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
