I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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