how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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