yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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