Cold hands, warm shart.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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