If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
