bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
