She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
