My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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