My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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