so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
