Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
