I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
