me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize