What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
