Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

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(305): View more from Florida

My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Everything we own is covered in grass and KY

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(630): View more from Illinois

just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

Fav 18 7739 1191
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(207): View more from Maine

There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place

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(919): View more from North Carolina

TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.

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