why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
