I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
