Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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