At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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