I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
